A: The only way it is appropriate to announce your registry is by word of mouth. Never include this info in an invite or announcement. Make sure your close family and friends know where you are registered. It has also become more acceptable to post your registries on a wedding website, but only direct guests to this if they specifically ask you for the information.
Q: We live out of the state we are having our wedding in. What's the best way to ask for gift certificates so that we don't have to ship or move all of our gifts back to our new place of residence?
A: Many stores let you either register for gift certificates or indicate a preference for them on your registry. Beyond that, some stores offer the option of saving the gifts for you until after the wedding, when they ship them to your home. In fact, there are even a few stores out there (mostly high-end department stores) where this is mandatory. The store will give your guests certificates of purchase that, if they like, they can wrap up and give to you, or can simply include a card with the shipped presents. If you register at a store that offers that option, there's no reason you can't simply have the gifts held and then shipped to your fiance's home once you are both moved in.
Q: We are each on our 2nd wedding and don't really need a house full of new appliances, but would rather the money be donated to a charity. Whats the best way to let guests know?
A: Etiquette-wise, really the only way you can encourage donations to a charity is through word of mouth. Even though it is assumed that guests will give wedding gifts, you can't ask for them -- in any form -- outright, and so putting a specific request on invitations would be inappropriate and even presumptuous. The best thing for the bride to do is to communicate her wishes with her close friends and family, and have them spread the word. The fact that it's her second marriage, however, may work to her advantage, as more people may be inclined to give money rather than material gifts. She can then turn around and give the money to the charity in their names. Also, if people ask where (or if) she is registered, she and her friends and family should then feel comfortable in telling them about her donation wishes.
Q. Is it rude to ask for wedding monetary gifts? We already have a blender (and pretty much everything else!).
A.Well, you should never ask for specific gifts, monetary or otherwise. What you can do is let them know (if they ask) that you would prefer cash gifts. Let your parents, siblings, wedding party, and close friends know too -- and if guests ask them, have them relay your preference. But don't announce it in a formal way to your guests (whatever you do, don't mention it on the invitation!). If guests are curious, they'll ask someone close to you what you would types of gifts your would like to receive. Still, some guests will want to buy you material gifts -- so it's a good idea to register somewhere for a few items. And of course, be sure to accept and acknowledge every gift gracefully (that means send out thank-you notes). As for monetary gifts, let the giver know how you intend to spend their gift in a thank-you card.
In almost every situation, remember that word of mouth is much more appropriate than writing. Everyone knows that along with a wedding, comes gifts, and guests will ask if they intend on giving a gift, so let them do the asking! Lastly, DO NOT forget to send those thank you notes in a timely manner. Here are a few tips on thoughtful thank yous:
Shower gifts should be acknowledged with-in 10 days, and wedding gifts with-in 2 weeks from your return of your honeymoon.
Never, Never, Never, send a preprinted thank you card. When you send a preprinted card, you are telling the person receiving the thank you that their gift didn't mean enough to you to even receive a mention in your note. A warm personalized, handwritten note, regardless how brief, tells the guest how much you appreciated the gift and how it will be cherished for years to come. Handwritten notes express sincerity.
When you receive more than one gift from someone, each gift must be recognized with its own thank you card. If you receive a shower gift from a friend or relative and then, three weeks later, receive a wedding gift from the same person, it is not appropriate to thank them in one card.
Be sure to send thank you notes to friends and relatives who arrange showers and parties for you. It is appropriate to thank them for the party or shower in the same card you send thanking them for their gift.
